I HATE Stampede
Written by Slim Nelson
Howdy fellow babies, been awhile ain’t it? …. I’m back in the saddle again for another go ‘round… Same view, slightly bent maybe a little more jagged around the edges… life is a bit hazy still, but getting better every day. Hey! It was sweet bein’ back in the ol’ cowtown again.
Summer is here and to quote, the time is right for dancin’ in the streets. And goin’ to festivals and sittin’ on patios and just plain old bein’ lazy…. I’m good at that kinda’ stuff. But I’m gettin’ off topic …
Stampede is over for another year and this lonely old cowpuncher ain’t too miserable about it bein’ gone and done. You see, I hate Stampede…. I know, I know… you’d think that for someone who rides a pale horse and hears the lonely howl of freight trains or the far off howl of coyotes in every steel guitar chord, that this time of year would be heaven for me … well sit down a spell and let me tell ya’ why I hate this time of year so much.
Firstly, everyone is in such a damn good mood… saying howdy to strangers, openin’ doors for lil’ ol’ ladies, bein’ patient with the kiddies, hell, I even saw the deputy sheriff warn someone about bein’ rowdy instead of throwin’ his sorry ass in the hoosegow. It just pains me to see how well folks are gettin’ along… my boss even gave us a break from ropin’ and ridin’ just so we could mosey on down to the parade. Huh??? Personally I think he had been into the hootch but I wasn’t about to call him on it… after all, we were gettin’ a chance to cut loose early so who could argue with that? Still I fuckin’ hate that people are so damn friendly for only 10 days in July…
Secondly, and this is probably the one thang I hate most…. Didja’ try and get out to listen to some live music doggies? I tried… and I got around but the thing is there’s just so much to choose from… Stomps, roundups, hoedowns, BBQ’s, Stampede breakfasts, big tents, the music was everywhere babies, didja’ see that they even put a fence around old Fort Calgary, invited 20,000 folks down and brought in a few classic rock bands for the masses. Even the big, fancy uptown bars get in on the toe-tappin’ music… fact is, you couldn’t shoot a gun in this town without pickin’ off some musician singin’ or playin’. And it just isn’t country music, there was Rock Country , blues, bluegrass, hip hop… the whole 9 yards. Somethin’ for everyone… Honestly it ain’t fair, … having so much to choose from… near drove me insane… you can’t go out EVERY night can you? God, I hate Stampede.
And what about the drinkin’? You know me, I cain’t say no to a cold beer but it’s gettin’ ridiculous… everywhere you go … the ice cold beer, whisky, margaritas and whatever else you fancied … and not just a couple snorts either… there was more than a few of us bellying up to the trough the past 10 days and I don’t know ‘bout them other folks but it ‘bout near killed me. Not only did I hate Stampede but I was also beginning to dislike myself for havin’ so much fun. How is a fella’ supposed to maintain a sense of self-worth when the chance to drink presents itself every damn day? Like I said …. Me and my liver hate stampede.
Lastly, the vittles… in my mind there ain’t nothin’ more effective at soaking up last night’s celebratin’ than a couple strips of fatback bacon wrapped in a soggy flapjack with some maple syrup to chase it …you know what buckaroos? I don’t mind payin’ my own way, that’s why I work so hard back on the ranch all winter … but here in cowtown during the Stampede… there’s free vittles every place you go… breakfast, lunch and dinner… trouble is a guy can’t eat like that every day… so now my horse is mad at me for packin’ on so many pounds… I’ll be lucky if old Paint gets me halfway back to the ranch … I’m tellin’ ya’… I HATE Stampede…
So fellow babies, thanks for lettin’ me bend your ear… hope Stampede was good to you… I think next year I am going to Saskatchewan for the entire month of July! I heard they don’t have many bars out that way so maybe that’s the best thing.
Happy Trails….
PS –To tell you the truth… maybe this ain’t such a bad time of year anyhow…. Next year I might even make it down to the Stampede grounds….
Written by Slim Nelson
Howdy fellow babies, been awhile ain’t it? …. I’m back in the saddle again for another go ‘round… Same view, slightly bent maybe a little more jagged around the edges… life is a bit hazy still, but getting better every day. Hey! It was sweet bein’ back in the ol’ cowtown again.
Summer is here and to quote, the time is right for dancin’ in the streets. And goin’ to festivals and sittin’ on patios and just plain old bein’ lazy…. I’m good at that kinda’ stuff. But I’m gettin’ off topic …
Stampede is over for another year and this lonely old cowpuncher ain’t too miserable about it bein’ gone and done. You see, I hate Stampede…. I know, I know… you’d think that for someone who rides a pale horse and hears the lonely howl of freight trains or the far off howl of coyotes in every steel guitar chord, that this time of year would be heaven for me … well sit down a spell and let me tell ya’ why I hate this time of year so much.
Firstly, everyone is in such a damn good mood… saying howdy to strangers, openin’ doors for lil’ ol’ ladies, bein’ patient with the kiddies, hell, I even saw the deputy sheriff warn someone about bein’ rowdy instead of throwin’ his sorry ass in the hoosegow. It just pains me to see how well folks are gettin’ along… my boss even gave us a break from ropin’ and ridin’ just so we could mosey on down to the parade. Huh??? Personally I think he had been into the hootch but I wasn’t about to call him on it… after all, we were gettin’ a chance to cut loose early so who could argue with that? Still I fuckin’ hate that people are so damn friendly for only 10 days in July…
Secondly, and this is probably the one thang I hate most…. Didja’ try and get out to listen to some live music doggies? I tried… and I got around but the thing is there’s just so much to choose from… Stomps, roundups, hoedowns, BBQ’s, Stampede breakfasts, big tents, the music was everywhere babies, didja’ see that they even put a fence around old Fort Calgary, invited 20,000 folks down and brought in a few classic rock bands for the masses. Even the big, fancy uptown bars get in on the toe-tappin’ music… fact is, you couldn’t shoot a gun in this town without pickin’ off some musician singin’ or playin’. And it just isn’t country music, there was Rock Country , blues, bluegrass, hip hop… the whole 9 yards. Somethin’ for everyone… Honestly it ain’t fair, … having so much to choose from… near drove me insane… you can’t go out EVERY night can you? God, I hate Stampede.
And what about the drinkin’? You know me, I cain’t say no to a cold beer but it’s gettin’ ridiculous… everywhere you go … the ice cold beer, whisky, margaritas and whatever else you fancied … and not just a couple snorts either… there was more than a few of us bellying up to the trough the past 10 days and I don’t know ‘bout them other folks but it ‘bout near killed me. Not only did I hate Stampede but I was also beginning to dislike myself for havin’ so much fun. How is a fella’ supposed to maintain a sense of self-worth when the chance to drink presents itself every damn day? Like I said …. Me and my liver hate stampede.
Lastly, the vittles… in my mind there ain’t nothin’ more effective at soaking up last night’s celebratin’ than a couple strips of fatback bacon wrapped in a soggy flapjack with some maple syrup to chase it …you know what buckaroos? I don’t mind payin’ my own way, that’s why I work so hard back on the ranch all winter … but here in cowtown during the Stampede… there’s free vittles every place you go… breakfast, lunch and dinner… trouble is a guy can’t eat like that every day… so now my horse is mad at me for packin’ on so many pounds… I’ll be lucky if old Paint gets me halfway back to the ranch … I’m tellin’ ya’… I HATE Stampede…
So fellow babies, thanks for lettin’ me bend your ear… hope Stampede was good to you… I think next year I am going to Saskatchewan for the entire month of July! I heard they don’t have many bars out that way so maybe that’s the best thing.
Happy Trails….
PS –To tell you the truth… maybe this ain’t such a bad time of year anyhow…. Next year I might even make it down to the Stampede grounds….
- Slim Nelson
No comments:
Post a Comment